Casualties of War
by Lil Grrl Bleu
Summary: Sometimes the war at home is just as volitile as the war abroad.
1. Prologue

Title: Casualties of War

Author: Mackenzie

Rating: PG-R

Characters/Pairing: The whole freaking Walker clan, as well as good ole Saul

Spoilers: Everything thus far

Disclaimers: _Brothers & Sisters_ and all the characters therein belong to people who are not me. I make no

profit from this; I just like playing with them. Also, this is an alternate reality. I will take pieces of information that has been made common knowledge, such as Sarah and Joe's marital woes, Justin's being in Iraq and Tommy and Julia's son dying and kind of weave in different things. In other words, Justin is still in Iraq, Saul hasn't come out saying he's gay and Sarah and Joe never went through the whole custody battle over Paige and Cooper.

Summary: Sometimes, the war at home is just as volatile as the war abroad.

-Prologue-

Kitty Walker giggled as Senator Robert McCallister kissed along her abdomen. "Robert, I hardly think that this is what Spencer had in mind when he asked you to read over the Chicago speech."

McCallister groaned as he lifted his head up and looked into his fiancee's eyes, "Kitty, I thought we weren't going to discuss work tonight?"

She laughed and shook her head as the phone rang, "I'll get it."

Robert shook his own head as he sat up, "No, you stay, I'll get it." Reaching across her, he grabbed his cell phone and answered it, "Yes?" Immediately his face went hard as his eyes fell and rested on Kitty, "I see," he said softly, "Where and when?" Sighing, the presidential candidate closed his eyes and nodded, "No," he said, his voice above a whisper, "I'll speak to the family. Thank you." Disconnecting the call, Robert stood up, speaking to the woman in his bed, "Get dressed, we are going to your mother's. Call your brothers and sisters, Saul too, have them meet us."

Kitty felt her heart drop as she stared at him, stunned by how quickly he went from being her playful lover to a serious politician, "Robert?"

Robert stopped at the doorway and looked at her, speaking softly, "Please honey... just do it. I'll have the car waiting for us downstairs."

"What the hell am I doing wrong here?"

Tommy Walker laughed hard as he watched Kevin trying in vain to balance himself on the surfboard, "For starters, you are sitting on the board backwards."

Kevin sighed as he tried to twist his body around, only to completely lose his balance and fall into the surf, causing his older brother to laugh more. "Kev, how can you be a California boy and not know how to surf?"

"I'm gay," Kevin pointed out, "Remember?"

Tommy walked over and held the board steady as his brother tried to climb on. Once he was on, a ringing could be heard, "Oh you've got to be kidding me," Tommy said as he watched Kevin fish through his wetsuit and pull out a cell phone. "Kevin, you brought your phone to Zuma? In the ocean?"

"I'm also a lawyer, Tommy. A lawyer who is waiting for a verdict on a big case." Looking at the caller ID, he sighed softly as he answered the phone, "You are lucky I'm answering this, dirt bag."

Kitty sat on the bed, speaking softly, "Um, Kevin, Robert got a call. I don't know anything about it, he won't tell me, but he told me to call you guys and Uncle Saul and have everybody meet at mom's."

Kevin's head whipped up and he looked at his brother for a moment, "Uh, yeah, sure, okay. Tommy and I are at Zuma so it'll take us a few extra minutes to get there. Do you need me to call Saul and Sarah?"

Kitty sighed softly, "I'll call Sarah, you call Saul."

Kevin nodded, his voice soft, "Yeah, sure. We're on our way." Disconnecting the phone, he handed it to his brother and unceremoniously fell off the surfboard. Reaching the surface, he poked his head through the water and looked at his brother as he ran a hand through his wet hair, "We gotta get to Mom's. That was Kitty. McCallister got a phone call and is being cryptic about it and has called a family meeting."

"Wow," Tommy said as he held the phone above the surface of the water, "Not even a Walker by marriage yet and already calling powwows."

Reaching the shore, the two brothers pulled their surfboards out of the water, "We should change into dry clothes," Tommy said, tossing his brother his cell phone.

Catching it, Kevin merely nodded, "Yeah," he said.

"Sarah, I just don't think that this looks like an apple, it looks more like a pomegranate."

Sarah Whedon sighed as she leaned over her uncle's desk, "Saul, that is so an apple. Look, here's the stem."

"It can also be mistook for the eye of the pomegranate," he said.

Just as Sarah was going to make a rebuttal, her cell phone rang, "Hold that thought," she said as she answered it, "Hello?"

Just as Sarah was starting her conversation, Saul's phone rang. Sighing, he picked it up, "Yes?"

"Okay, Kitty, calm down, what's going on?"

Saul glanced over at his niece before trying to focus on his own conversation, "No, Kevin, Sarah's here in the office. Okay, I'll drive Sarah and we'll meet you there." Without further preamble, Holden hung his phone up and stood up, just as Sarah finished her conversation. "I'll drive you," he offered.

Sarah nodded and sighed, "I hate it when she's cryptic like this. Last time she was this way was when she was trying to figure out how to break it to the family that she was Republican."

"Which I still don't understand her paranoia about that," Saul said. "Your father and brother is a republican."

"I know, I know," Sarah said. "I'm going to grab my purse and coat and meet you out at the car."

Saul nodded as he grabbed his car keys and left.

"Saul and Sarah are on their way over to Mom's."

"Somebody should probably warn mom that we are going to ambush her," Tommy stated with a sigh.

"I'll let you do the honors," Kevin said as he stared out the window, watching the traffic whir by on the 405.

"Gee, thanks," Tommy said.

"Hey, I need to call Rebecca, so you can either make that call or call Mom."

Tommy sighed as he drove down the freeway, "How about we just all show up?"

"Chicken," Kevin muttered as he dialed a number.


	2. Chapter One

-1-

"What on earth is going on here?" Nora Walker asked as her entire family ushered themselves into the foyer of the house.

"Can't we all just come over and see you?" Tommy asked as he kissed his mother's cheek.

"Something is fishy here." Nora said, "I want answers and I want them now."

"Oh good," Robert said as he and Kitty walked in at the end. "You are all here."

Nora looked at the senator in surprise, "You called this meeting?"

Robert took in a deep breath, "I have something that I need to tell you all. Kitty doesn't even know what's going on. I thought it'd be easier to say it once rather than have to have it filter down through the family."

Nora reached out and gripped her older brother's hand and nodded, her voice was soft and came in stammers, "Living room," she said as she walked into the living room.

Kitty looked at her fiance, her eyes begging him for any hint. Robert merely shook his head as he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. Once everybody was situated, he cleared his throat, "I have several people at the White House as well as the Pentagon who keep me informed of things. Old friends, if you will. I do favors for them, in exchange to doing favors for me." Taking a deep breath, Robert walked over and kneeled before Nora, taking her hands in his speaking softly, "Nora, I am so sorry..."

Nora stood up rapidly, shaking her head, "No..."

"Nora, please," Robert implored as he stood up, "You have to hear this."

Closing her eyes, Nora felt the tears beginning to stream down her face as Saul came up behind her, wrapping his arms around here. Robert sighed, "There was a car bomb in Baghdad. A group of eight men were driving a transfer vehicle when they were flagged down by a little boy, he was eight years old. They stopped and the boy asked for a ride and they obliged. Justin was driving. The boy had a bomb strapped to his chest. Seconds after Justin put his foot on the gas pedal, the boy detonated himself. There were no survivors."

Nora shook her head again, sobbing. Feeling her legs give out from under her, she slowly sank to the ground. "Oh god," Saul said as he picked her up. "Kevin, throw those pillows onto the floor." Quickly taking her over, he laid her down onto the couch and sighed as he looked at her. Not looking up, he added, "Sarah, get your mother some water." Not hearing any action being made, Saul looked up, his voice a little harsher than he intended, "Sarah!"

Glancing at her, his voice and face softened, "Darling," he said quietly as he kissed her temple, "go get your mother a pitcher of water, please."

Sarah nodded as she swallowed hard, tears falling down her face, "Yeah," she whispered softly. Nodding, Saul reached out and gently ran his knuckles down her cheek and gently gave her a nudge to the kitchen.

Walking into the study, Robert stopped when he found Kitty standing still, staring out the window. Walking further into the room, he came up from behind and wrapped her arms around her, whispering softly, "Kitty, I am so sorry."

"This is my fault," she said softly.

"What?" Robert turned the woman to face him, "Kitty, you aren't responsible for this war. You didn't force Justin to enlist, he did that on his own. He's a man. He did what he felt was necessary and appropriate to do."

"Yeah, but I didn't talk him out of it either, Robert," Kitty remarked.

"Hey, listen," he said quietly, "People serve their country in different ways. Some are doctors, your brother is a lawyer, I'm a lawyer, I'm a politician, you are a politician, your uncle and father fought in Vietnam... Justin served his country. He fought nobly, and I assure you, Kitty, and I assure your family, and every other family who has to suffer through this, that Justin's death will not be in vain."

Kitty closed her eyes, her shoulders hunched over. Taking a deep breath, she released it as the tears flooded down her face. McCallister gently led her over to an ottoman and sat her down, rocking her gently. After a few minutes, they both jolted at the sound of a man clearing his throat. Glancing up, Kitty stood up and walked over and hugged Saul.

Hugging her back, Saul gently released her and looked at both her and Robert, speaking softly, "Nora has decided that she doesn't want a military funeral. She wants something small, intimate and private with just the family." Looking at Robert, he added, "Can you please make sure that the Army knows this?"

The senator nodded and sighed quietly, "Of course, however, Saul, may I say something?"

Saul nodded silently in agreement. Robert sighed quietly, trying to figure out the best way to go about what he wanted to say, "Justin gave his life for this country, Saul. He deserves a military funeral. I think it may go against his express wishes to deny him that."

"I understand that," the other man said, "however, this is the wishes of the mother. Since Justin wasn't married, than I feel we should honor Nora's wishes."

Robert nodded, speaking softly, "Of course."

Saul glanced at Kitty, who turned her face away as more tears fell. Feeling badly for her, he walked over and took her face in his hands and looked at her, speaking softly, "I love you." Leaning in, Saul kissed her cheeks gently and turned and left the room.

"I just don't understand," Nora wept as she sat on the couch. "I just got an email from him three days ago."

"I know, mom," Tommy whispered softly as he rubbed his mother's back, sighing.

"Kevin," the matriarch said, looking at her son. Wiping her tears, she placed her hands in her lap, unsure of what more to do with them. "please make sure they send the body back as soon as possible. I don't want my son in that God-forsaken country any longer than he has to be."

Kevin nodded quietly, "I'll do what I can, Mom," he promised, knowing full well that he didn't have the authority to do anything where the military was concerned.

Sarah walked quietly into the room, carrying a tray with a glass pitcher of water and several glasses, "Here, mom," she said softly, setting it down. Pouring her a cup, she handed it to her and sighed deeply as she sat down.

Nora sighed as she looked into the clear glass, staring at the clear liquid within. Suddenly overcome with a rage that was void only a moment before, she rose to her feet and threw the glass against the wall, accompanying it with a startling cry of defeat and loss. The sound of the glass shattering caused everybody to jump within their skin as Nora slowly fell into the couch, sobbing once more. "No," she whispered softly into the tapestry of the couch, "I've lost too much this year," she continued, "William and now Justin... when will it end? How much more do I have to lose?"

Saul cleared his throat silently and glanced at Sarah, speaking quietly, "Sarah, take your mother to her bedroom and lay her down. I'm going to call the doctor and see if he can't come and give her something."

"You aren't drugging our mother, Saul!" Tommy said. "She lost a child. She's entitled to grief."

"Excuse me," Saul said softly, approaching his nephew, "but aren't you the same man who asked the doctor to give his wife a sedative when your infant died?"

Tommy clenched his jaw at his uncle, "That's entirely different," he said quietly, still in deep pain over the loss.

"I'll tell you what," the older man said, "when you can tell me how, you come find me. In the meantime, I'm going to do what is best for my sister." Without further preamble, he turned and walked into the kitchen to make the phone call.

"Maybe some rest will do mom some good," Kevin said softly as Sarah gently helped her mother up the stairs.

"God help this family," Tommy said, "if something were to ever happen to mom and Saul was the one we turned to." Turning, the eldest son walked out of the house.


	3. Chapter Two

-2-

-Two Days Later-

Saul sighed as he sat in his car and stared at the car in front of him. Glancing in his rear view mirror, he saw a barrage of cars behind him. Shaking his head, he wondered what possessed him to take the 405 around rush hour, and then it dawned on him.

Nora.

Nora had been the one who begged him to drive into Los Angeles for a special brand of truffles not available in Pasadena. Deciding it was best not to begrudge the request at such a difficult time, Saul obliged instantly. The sound of a honking horn behind him shook him out of his reverie and he quickly put his foot on the gas, giving it more than he intended, causing his car to bump into the bumper of the car in front of him.

"Dammit!"

Sighing, he put his emergency blinkers on, knowing that traffic won't be moving any time soon. Getting out of the car, the man approached the car in front of him and noticed the window coming down. "I am so sor-" the man stopped abruptly at the sight of the person in the car. "Wow," he said softly.

The young woman behind the wheel blushed a little and quickly tried to get back in the moment, "You didn't get hurt, did you?"

Saul couldn't help but laugh, "I rear-ended you and you are asking me if I'm hurt?" Shaking his head, he heard angry horns honking once more. "Tell you what, let's pull over onto the shoulder and exchange information, okay?"

The woman nodded as she slowly eased off the interstate and onto the shoulder. Following her, Saul shut his car off and got out and inspected the damage to the woman's car. "I am so sorry," he apologized again when she got out. "Look, I'll pay for everything, really."

The woman nodded as she took her day planner out and a pen, "Tell you what, I don't think that we should get the police involved, I mean, they have more important things to do like catch murderers, right?"

Saul laughed softly and nodded, "True, but are you sure?"

She nodded, "I am. Why don't we just swap insurance information, names and numbers."

The man nodded, "Sounds good." Heading back to his car, he opened the drivers side door and grabbed his insurance card from the glove box. Once he got out, he handed the woman his card, "Saul Holden, by the way."

The woman flashed him a smile, "Fiona Quinn," she offered as she handed him her card.

Looking at the card, Saul looked back at her, "Doctor?"

Fiona nodded with a smile, "Cardiologist. I was actually on my way into work. I work at LA General."

Just as he was about to ask her another question, his cell phone buzzed and rang at the same time, "Would you excuse me a moment?" Fishing the phone out of his pocket, he answered it, "Hello?" Sighing quietly, he listened, "Nora, I'm fine, really. I just had a little fender bender on the 405, everything's fine. No, no," he said quickly, "nobody's hurt. I'm exchanging information with her now and then I'm going to get the truffles and head back." He nodded gently, "Yes, I'll be careful." Hanging up the phone, he gave Fiona a small smile, "Sorry about that."

The doctor nodded and smiled, "Your wife sounded concerned."

"Oh she's not my wife," he corrected quickly, "that's my sister. She's... a mess. We all are." Saul sighed deeply, wondering why he was delving into his private life with a virtual stranger, "My nephew was just killed in Iraq. We are waiting on the Army to get the body back."

The color drained out of Fiona's face. Quickly covering herself, she nodded, "I'm sorry," she said and handed him back his insurance card, in addition to a piece of paper. "I jotted down your information and here's mine. I also put my name, home and cell phone number as well. You'd probably have a better chance reaching me on my cell though, as I am always on the run."

Saul nodded as he took the information, "I'll remember that. Again," he said, gesturing to the cars, "I am sorry."

The doctor shrugged a shoulder as she tucked a lock of flame kissed hair behind her ear, "Mistakes happen. My condolences to your family. I'm sorry," she laughed softly, "but I'm really late. I have to be in surgery in an hour."

"Of course," Saul said, "good luck, Dr. Quinn."

She smiled softly, "You as well, Mr. Holden, I'll be in touch." Her green eyes lingered on him for a moment and then she got back into her Mercedes and carefully eased back onto the freeway.

"I come bearing gifts!" Saul announced as he walked through the door in the kitchen .

"As well as a dented up bumper. Way to go, Crash." Sarah remarked dryly with a grin on her face.

"Who told you?" Holden demanded.

"Oh good," Nora said as she walked into the kitchen, "you got them."

"Nora," Saul sighed as he handed over the box of chocolates, "I had hoped that you didn't blurt it out to the entire family about the accident."

"Relax," Nora said as she kissed her brother's cheek, "Sarah was here when I made the call. How's the car?"

"It's fixable," he said as he poured himself a glass of wine, "as is Doctor Quinn's."

"Doctor Quinn?" Sarah said with a grin, "As in 'Medicine Woman'?"

"She's a doctor and her last name is Quinn, Sarah. I would expect that kind of remark from Just..." he stopped quickly and looked at his sister.

"Go on," Nora urged quietly, "finish what you were saying."

Saul sighed as he set his wine glass down on the counter, "I'm sorry, sister."

The matriarch shook her head with a soft smile, "We aren't going to just halt our lives, Saul. Yes, Justin is dead. When William died, I said I'd never recover, yet I have." She took in a deep breath, "I will recover from this as well. Please don't censor yourself, Saully, not with me."

"I admire your strength," he praised softly.

"Don't," Nora said softly, "just because I'm not a weepy mess in front of the family doesn't mean I'm not in private." She paused and looked at the box of truffles in her hands, "I'm going to see if the kids want any of these." Without saying another word, she turned and headed into the living room.

Saul watched her back retreat through the door. Not taking his eyes off the door, he spoke to Sarah, "Was she okay when I was gone?"

"That all depends," she said quietly, sliding off a barstool and waking over to her uncle. "Do you count 'okay' as being breaking down in tears when she was folding clothes and she came to a pair of Justin's socks?"

Holden sighed softly and wrapped an arm around his niece, "As King Solomon said, 'this too shall pass'." He kissed her temple.

Sarah nodded softly. Desperate to soften up the moment, she added, "So, Saul... did this Doctor Quinn help the Indians too?"

"Hush," he said as he headed into the living room, leaving Sarah alone with her giggles.


	4. Chapter Three

-3-

-The Following Day-

"Hey..."

Kitty glanced up from the solitude of her office. With only the melodic sounds of Sarah McLachlan filling the air, her eyes met her fiance's. "Hey," she greeted softly.

"So I get the impression," Robert began as he walked further into Kitty's office, "that you are avoiding me."

Kitty sighed quietly as she ran a hand through her hair, her eyes falling back to her laptop. "Robert, I'm not avoiding you. I'm just busy right now trying to help my family in anyway I can. You know, it isn't every day that we have to plan a funeral.." she paused for a moment as she reflected on recent years past, "however, lately it seems we have one every year."

"Kitty," the Senator said, sitting down on the arm of her couch, "I want to help you. I want to do all I can to help your family."

"Oh, you do?" She said, looking up. "You know what would help, Robert? You informing me, the second you found out about my brother, rather than, and excuse the very bad word usage, dropping the bomb on me. You could have told me in the car."

"You don't think that isn't just a tad inappropriate, Kitty?"

"Inappropriate, Robert, is trying to play political hero to my family! Inappropriate is holding my family by a string and then just devastating us all with the news of my brother being killed in Iraq!" Kitty stopped to catch her breath and then whispered, "You should have told me."

Robert stood there in a quiet shock as she raged at him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I wasn't trying to play a political hero. I was trying to spare you further pain."

"Sparing me further pain would have been telling me prior to getting to my mother's," she pointed out.

Robert leaned over to brush his hand across her cheek, only to have her shy away. "Robert," she said softly, "I have a lot to do and quite honestly, right now, I just need a break. I need to focus on my mother and my brothers and Sarah, and..."

"And not me," he said, interrupting her.

Kitty sighed heavily, "Robert, please, I just..."

"No," he said, standing up, "It's fine. I understand. I have a lot of work that I need to catch up on anyway." Robert headed towards the door and stopped, only long enough to turn around and add, "If you need anything, Kitty, or if your family needs anything, don't hesitate." Saying no more, the Senator turned and walked out of her office, leaving his fiancee alone with her thoughts, and her music.

"No, you don't understand," Sarah sighed as she propped her forehead in her hand, sitting at her mother's kitchen table, "my brother was killed in the line of duty, defending this country, by the way. All we want is his body so we can bury him."

Saul walked quietly in the kitchen and headed over to the coffee pot.

"So wait a minute..."

Saul stopped and looked at Sarah, who was sitting straight in the chair, "Are you telling me that my brother's body isn't even in tact??"

Saul quickly walked over and took the phone out of her hand, "Let me handle this," he said quietly, placing the phone to his ear, "Yes, whom am I speaking with?" Saul nodded in comprehension as he listened to the person on the other end, "Major Stanley, I don't believe you quite understand the severity of the situation. Justin Walker is..." the man stopped and closed his eyes, sighing softly, "was my nephew. His mother, my sister, buried her husband a year ago. Now, whatever channels you need to go through, go through them, just get him back here in the states as soon as humanly possible." Saul sighed deeply as he felt himself starting to lose his grip on his temper, "Now listen to me, I will fly over to Baghdad myself..." he stopped when Major Stanley interrupted him. Listening to him, Saul nodded, "Yes," he said, his voice quieter, "that will suffice at the moment, thank you." Hanging up the phone, he sighed as he handed it to Sarah.

"So?" She asked, transfixed by what she witnessed, "What did he say?"

"Sarah, you won't understand," Saul began.

"Saul, what did he say?" Sarah asked again, a little impatiently.

Her uncle leaned against the edge of the counter, "You hit the nail on the head when I came in here. Your brother's body isn't in one piece. However, through DNA and dental records, they are going to gather as much as they can and ship it. It will arrive on a plane in a casket. Now, Sarah, Nora can't know about that. Please, it would kill her."

Sarah nodded silently as she felt the tears well up again. Sighing quietly, she swiped them away, "Yeah," she agreed.

"Sarah."

The woman looked up and saw her husband standing in the doorway. "Honey," Joe said, walking in, "the kids are asking for you."

Sarah nodded as she stood up, only to be stopped by Saul gently grabbing her wrist, "Be strong, darling." Kissing her uncle's cheek, Sarah walked out of the kitchen. Once the two men were alone, Joe looked at Saul, speaking softly, "I'm sorry... for Justin."

The older man nodded, speaking softly, "Thank you," he acknowledged. "If you'll excuse me now, please, I need to go check on Nora."

Joe nodded quietly as he watched Holden exit the room.

"Hey, little chicken," Sarah said quietly as she found her daughter curled up in a chair reading. "What are you reading?"

"Alice in Wonderland," Paige responded. Closing the book, she looked up at her mother, "Uncle Kevin said that Uncle Justin died because 'this whole freaking war and freaking country is a mess'."

Sarah sighed quietly as she tucked a lock of hair behind her daughter's ear, "Well, Uncle Kevin shouldn't have spoken like that to, or around you, so in the future, cut the word 'freaking' out of your vocabulary, okay? As for Justin," she sighed again, "he died because he was in a very dangerous place at a very dangerous time. But he was trying to help people who were hurt."

"So, he was brave?" her daughter asked.

Sarah smiled quietly and nodded, "Yeah," she said, "he was very brave. You know, he loved you and Coop very much, Paige. He loved taking you guys to the beach and getting you guys pizza and ice cream, you and your brother were everything to him."

Paige nodded quietly as she rested her head against the chair, "We loved him too. Even when was sick and saying mean things to you and Grandma and everybody else."

Her mother nodded and sighed inwardly as she remembered her brother's drug usage. "Try not to remember that stuff, P. Instead remember the trips to the beach, the gathering of sea shells, the swimming in the ocean, the rides on his surf board with Uncle Tommy, okay?"

The little girl nodded again, "Okay."

Sarah smiled softly as she kissed her daughter's forehead and stood up, "I'll be in the other room, okay? Enjoy your book. I used to read it to Aunt Kitty when she was a little girl."

Paige smiled and nodded as she opened her book again and began to read.

Holly Harper sighed softly in a quiet uneasiness. Reaching out, she pressed the button and was startled by the promptness in which the door was opened. "Hi," she said quietly to the person in front of her.

Nora Walker looked at her late husband's mistress and let out a quiet sigh, "Holly, now is really not the time..."

"I just stopped by," she interrupted, "to give you my most sincere condolences, Nora. I know how much this family loved Justin. Rebecca is devastated by the whole thing. She couldn't even come over here to tell you herself how sorry she was."

The brunette nodded quietly as she stepped aside, "Please," she said softly, "come in."

Holly nodded as she walked into the foyer, "Tommy told me what happened at work. I wanted to do something to express how sorry I am, however, this was one situation even Hallmark couldn't help with."

Nora smiled quietly, "Hallmark should look into it. Sympathy cards for families of those killed by senseless wars." She sighed softly as she headed into the kitchen with Holly following. "Saul and Sarah were on the phone trying to get the preparations made for his..." she stopped abruptly when it dawned on her. Taking a deep breath, the Walker family matriarch closed her eyes, "No," she said softly, "I'm not going to start the water works again, I just..."

"Nora," Holly said softly, "you've lost a lot lately. First William, the knowledge that your marriage was solid.."

"Oh, Holly," Nora said, turning around, "don't you dare bring William into this because I really could not handle that."

Not wanting to further fuel the fire, she simply held her hands up in defeat, "I apologize," she stated. "If Rebecca or I could do anything, please let us know."

Nora nodded quietly, "Thank you. Saul mentioned something about having a little get together at Ojai in remembrance, if you would like to come, both of you, please do so. Justin thought a lot of Rebecca."

Holly nodded softly and gave the woman a quiet smile, "Thank you, Nora," she said. Before either of them could feel any more awkward, the woman turned and left.


	5. Chapter Four

-4-

Joe Whedon walked into the kitchen to find his daughter and son sitting at the kitchen table, both coloring intensely. Smiling quietly, the former hippie further walked in, "Hey guys, what are you doing?"

The two kids quickly stuffed their pictures under placemats, "Nothing, daddy," Paige answered.

Joe raised his brows at her, "Paige, your mom and I don't like to be lied to. You guys were coloring, not putting your heads together and trying to figure out ways to achieve world domination."

Paige sighed as she and Cooper slowly brought their pictures out. Paige had colored a bright green circle with a hole in the middle and red dots all over it, "It's a wreath," she explained. Joe glanced over at his son's picture, a bright yellow star, "and Cooper was making a star."

"For Christmas!" Cooper said, excitedly.

"Cooper, Christmas is cancelled this year," Paige said, to Joe's astonishment.

"Cancelled??" Joe sighed as he pulled up a barstool, "Guys, why do you think we are canceling Christmas this year?"

"Mommy's sad," Cooper explained.

Their father nodded, "Yes, Mommy is sad. So is Daddy, and Grandma, and Uncle Saul, and everybody else. We are all sad. However, that doesn't mean that we are going to cancel Christmas. Personally, I think that this family could use a little joy and an extra helping of hope this year."

"But we don't have a tree," Paige pointed out. "Or presents, the house doesn't have any lights and the stockings aren't out."

"Okay," Joe said, standing up. Walking over to the kitchen, he grabbed a tablet and a pen, "So let's make a list, okay? Mommy's big on making lists and she always manages to get things done that way, so let's take a cue from her. We need a tree," he began to write as he listed things off, "ornaments, presents, lights... what else?"

"Cookies!" Cooper shouted.

Joe laughed as he added cookies to the list, "What else?"

"Wreaths," Paige said, "for Grandma and Uncle Saul too."

Joe nodded as the three continued the list. After a few minutes, he ripped the piece of paper out of the book and folded it in half. "Okay, munchkins, go upstairs and grab your coats. We got a lot of errands to do and a lot of work ahead of us if we want to get this done before your mom gets home from work tonight."

The kids quickly scrambled up the stairs as Joe cleaned up the mess.

Kevin Walker sighed softly as he stared at the group of people assembled before him. "Okay," he said, "first off, keep in mind that this is exactly how he wanted this done, he expressed these wishes, okay? Secondly..." he paused as he sighed again, looking at his mother, sisters, brother and uncle, "don't kill the messenger."

Nora opened her mouth to speak, but was stopped by Kevin holding up his hand, "Very bad pun, I apologize."

"What does it say, Kevin?" Kitty inquired.

Kevin cleared his throat as he began to read the paper, "'I, Justin Walker, being of sound mind and body..."

"Sound mind??" Tommy said, snickering, "Since when?"

Without saying a word, both Sarah and Kitty reached forward, smacking their brother upside the head and shushing him at the same time. Tommy quickly rubbed the back of his head, glaring at both. Kevin, watching the scene unfold before him, looked upon his squabbling siblings, "Can I continue?"

"Please," Nora said.

Shaking his head, the family attorney continued, "Basically it's all really cut and dry. This will was written after Dad died and before he went off this last time. He has his assets split up in how he wanted the money spent. Which, from the looks of things, we didn't give him nearly enough credit where saving was concerned."

"I don't understand," Sarah said, "are you saying that Justin actually had money?"

Kevin nodded, "Yeah. He got quite a bit of money from the Army as pay, plus the money that Kitty was putting in his account from when Dad died, so he had about fifty grand that he was saving up. My guess is that he was doing it so he'd have a cushion when he got back... maybe he planned on finally moving out of Mom's."

"Fifty thousand dollars??" Saul asked, surprised.

Nodding, the other man continued, "He wanted $25,000 to go to the rehab facility that he got clean and sober at as a donation thing, $2,000 set aside for Paige and Cooper, each getting $1,000 a piece for when they both reach age sixteen, $10,000 he wanted to go into Ojai, $10,000 he wanted to go into Walker's Landing, and the remaining $3,000 he wanted to go to Mom." Kevin paused as he read further and then laughed, "Saul, he left you his surfboard with a note and a key to a box that is under the floorboard in Mom's attic with $500 for surfing lessons."

"Surfing lessons?" Saul laughed. "Can you picture an old fart like me up there surfing?"

"Hey," Nora said, lightly smacking her brother's knee, "My husband was an old fart and he was learning how to surf."

"Yeah, Saul," Sarah grinned, "Maybe it'll impress Medicine Woman."

"Medicine Woman?" Kitty asked, her brows raised in curiosity.

"Never mind," Saul said, shooting Sarah a glare.

"I can't believe he left $10,000 to Walker's Landing," Tommy said.

"I can't believe that he actually managed his own finances," Sarah responded.

"You know," Kitty sighed, "you guys act as if he was this immature and irresponsible teenager. I mean, okay, yes, Justin made mistakes in life. We all have, but we don't know what he was like when he died. War changes people. They are forced to grow up. Maybe Iraq forced him to grow up. At least that is my hope. That the possibility of going over there and never coming back forced Justin to finally wake up and take charge of his own life. Act like an adult who is about to go and do the most important thing in his life, rather than some California beach boy who was only there because he felt it'd look good on his resume."

"Sweetheart," Saul started as he reached out to touch her shoulder.

"No, Saul," Kitty said, looking her uncle squarely in the eye, "I'm tired of the cracks that people make about him. He was my brother and I loved him and now he's dead. He can't fend for himself and he can't stick up for himself when people are talking about him behind his back."

"Alright," Saul said, looking at Tommy and Sarah, "she's right. It's time that we start giving him the respect that he deserves, the respect that we should have given him. All of us. Myself included."

"Excuse me, Mr. Holden?"

Saul glanced up as an employee poked her head into his office, "Yes, Gwen?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt you with your family, but..." she stopped.

"It's fine," Holden assured her.

Gwen smiled softly, "A Dr. Quinn is here to see you."

"Medicine Woman!" Tommy, Sarah and Kitty said in unison.

Saul sighed as he gave his family a dirty look, "Would you all excuse me please, and feel free to just leave if you want," he said as he walked out of the office.

Dr. Fiona Quinn stood in the lobby of Ojai Foods admiring a sepia toned picture of a winery with a cluster of dark grapes featured. Sipping a bottle of water, she glanced up when she heard a door open and smiled when she saw Saul walked out, "Mr. Holden, hello."

Saul smiled at her, "Please, call me Saul. This is a surprise, doctor," he said, extending his hand to her.

Fiona smiled as she took it and shook it, "Well, I just wanted to see how you were feeling since the accident, and please, call me Fiona."

The man nodded and then sat down in a chair, gesturing for her to take a seat in the one across from him, "I'm fine, Fiona, really. It was very sweet of you to come all the way down here to see when a simple phone call would have sufficed."

Fiona shrugged as she smiled quietly, "I was in the neighborhood," she said, not wanting to tell him that she actually drove twenty minutes out of her way to see him. "How is your family?"

Saul nodded as he took in a breath, "Adjusting," he responded honestly. "Sarah, my niece, and I are working on getting his body back."

The doctor nodded sympathetically, "Any luck?"

He shrugged, "We're compromising, I guess. They are sending back what they have recovered. The rest of it was destroyed in the blast."

Fiona sucked in her breath. On an instinct, she reached out and placed a hand on his arm, "Oh, Saul," she said quietly, "I am so sorry."

Affected by the small spark of human touch, Saul smiled quietly as he nodded, "Thank you. Listen," he said, "did you want to have dinner with me tonight? I know this great little Italian place in San Marino."

Fiona couldn't help but smile in shyness at him, "As in a date?"

The man paused for a moment before speaking and then nodded, "I believe that is a correct term for when a man asks a woman out to dinner, yes."

She laughed and nodded, "Okay, sounds good. I should be finished up at the hospital by six."

Saul nodded, "How's eight? I can pick you up at your place."

"Eight it is," Fiona smiled as she stood up.

"Wonderful," Holden responded, standing up himself. "Than I'll be there at eight. I'll make the reservations. You are going to love the place. They have a few bottles of wine from my nephew's winery there, it's in a private collection. There's a Chardonnay that will knock your socks off."

The doctor laughed and nodded, "Sounds fabulous, can't wait." She glanced at her watch, "Well, I should be getting back to the hospital if I want to get out of there by six."

Saul nodded and watched as she stepped out the door, "Oh, doctor," he said, getting her attention. Once Fiona had turned around, Saul gave her a small smile, "I'll need your address." The cardiologist grinned at him as she stepped back inside, pulling out her date book to give him the necessary information.


	6. Chapter Five

-5-

"Grandma got ran over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve..."

Joe opened the door and brought the tree into the foyer, followed by Cooper and Paige. "You can say there's no such thing as Santa," Cooper yelled, "but as for me and grandpa, we believe!"

"Coop!" Joe sighed, setting the tree down, "Dial it down a few notches, okay, dude? Paige, run out to the garage and get me the tree stand, okay?"

His daughter nodded as she ran out to the garage. Sighing, Joe leaned the tree up against the banister of the stairs.

"Joe, why are there pine needles..." Sarah stopped in the doorway as she saw the tree leaned against the banister, "Never mind. What's going on?"

"Grandma got ran over by a reindeer...!" Cooper started again.

Shaking his head, Joe walked over and gently walked Cooper into the den and closed the door, allowing the little boy to sing to his heart's content. Sarah sighed quietly as she set her purse down on the table, "Are you sure that that's a real good song to teach them?"

Whedon shrugged a little an innocent grin on his face, "It was playing on the radio."

The woman looked at him incredulously, "My brother was killed, Joe. My family is going through hell and you guys are standing around singing Christmas carols??"

Joe sighed as he leaned against the wall, "Christmas is less than two weeks away, Sarah. The kids aren't used to not having things organized for the holidays."

"Oh, so I'm neglecting my family, is that it, Joe?" Sarah said.

"No!" He sighed again, running his hand over his face, lowering his voice, "That is absolutely not it, Sarah. Honey, I know your family is going through hell, and I'm sorry, I am. I loved Justin too and I'm really going to miss him, so are the kids, but we have to keep going. We have to. We can't just push the pause button on life to deal with our grief, we've got two fantastic kids who need us." Joe paused as he walked over to her. Taking her hands in his, he kissed her inner wrists softly, speaking quietly, "I need you too."

Sarah glanced away for a moment, her eyes filling up with tears. Seeing the tree and bags she sighed and then looked at him as a tear fell, "You are right. I'm sorry, Joe, I am."

Joe shook his head as he hugged her, "Don't apologize, honey. Just promise me something."

She nodded as she looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "Promise me," he said, "that we won't stick a pin in life. Justin loved Christmas, you know that. He was an overgrown kid when it came to everything related to the holiday. Even if you aren't in the Christmas spirit, let's try and celebrate it. For the kids and for him."

Sarah smiled quietly and kissed her husband, "I think I can give that a shot."

"Good," he smiled back, "because if you leave the decorating of the tree to the three of us, it'll be tinsel city."

His wife laughed softly, "What a horrible threat to make," she said as the two began to get the tree situated.

Nora sat in an overstuffed chair in the living room, bathed only in the light of a flickering fire. Wrapped in a sage green cashmere blanket, she carefully held a small sterling silver frame in her hands, which were resting in her lap. Eyes focused on the dancing flames, the grieving mother and widow let out a shaky sigh. As she exhaled, a muffled sob escaped her mouth as a tear fell.

"Mom?"

Jolted, Nora turned and looked and spied her daughter standing in the doorway, "Kitty," she said softly.

Kitty smiled softly as she walked in. Brushing her lips against her mother's cheek, she sat down on the opposing ottoman, "How are you doing?"

Her mother shook her head and sighed, "Everything just... hit me. Justin, your father, the upcoming holidays... How am I going to get everything done? I think I'll just curl up in bed and sleep the holidays away."

"No, Mom," Kitty said, "I've got a better idea. We can go up to the cabin in Ojai. Or we can go somewhere else completely, wherever you want to go, we'll go. Just us girls."

Nora looked at her daughter for a moment, "Kitty, did you and Robert have a fight?"

The young Republican sighed, "We're at an impasse," she confessed.

Her mother looked at her, more sadness on her face, "What happened?"

"Mom," Kitty sighed again, running a hand through her hair, "nothing. It'll be fine."

"Katherine," Nora said, using her daughter's full name, "what happened?"

"He didn't tell me about Justin. I was there when he took the call. He didn't tell me the minute he got it. He held it in and waited until we drove all the way across town and told me when he told you, and I felt that that was wrong."

Her mother's eyes scanned her face, "Maybe he felt it was easier to wait and tell us all at the same time," she offered.

"It doesn't matter," Kitty responded, "We are engaged to be married, Mom. I'm going to be Robert's wife and he's going to be my husband. We have to have an open line of communication. If we don't have that, than we've got nothing."

"Oh, Kitty," Nora sighed. "Robert is a man. Men often do things--things we may deem to be stupid at the time--because they love us and want to protect us. I'm sure in his heart, Robert felt that he was making the right decision. Sweetie, don't punish him for looking out for your best interests."

Kitty quietly sighed as she glanced away. Her eyes catching a family portrait, she stood up and walked over to the mantle and looked at it, smiling softly, "I forgot this was taken," she mused fondly. Dancing her fingertips along the glass, her eyes focused on the last full family picture taken, just shortly after 9-11. "We all look so scared," she observed, "like we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

The other woman rose to her feet and came up behind her daughter, looking at the picture over Kitty's shoulder, "I think we were. If memory serves me, that was taken on the sixteenth. We were all so scared. Your father wanted to charter a private plane and have you flown back from New York. 'Any means possible,' he'd say. It was a horrifying, yet definitive, moment in history."

Kitty sighed quietly and turned to look at her mother, "I didn't tell Justin to enlist, Mom," she said quietly. "We were just talking one night and we got on the subject of September 11th, and I sort of got into a trance, just reciting everything that I remembered... the sounds, the smells, the visions. We both said that something had to be done to avenge the attack. I never once mentioned enlisting in the military, and neither did he."

"I know," Nora confessed. Sighing deeply, she placed the picture back on the mantle, "Justin made up his own mind to do it. Honestly, though, I think that a part of him did it to win your father's approval."

"Dad's approval was hard to come by," the other woman pointed out.

"He just wanted the absolute best for you kids," Nora said, feeling the urge to defend her late husband. "He loved you guys so much, Kitty. He wanted you all to be happy in life, happier than he was."

Kitty looked at her mother for a moment, "You think dad had the affair with Holly because he was unhappy?"

"Kitty, affairs last a few days to possibly a few months. Tops. Your father had a relationship with this woman, a whole other life, separate from what he had with me. We need to all acknowledge that."

Kitty nodded quietly, unsure of what more to say.

"This place is so beautiful," Fiona said, glancing around the restaurant on Colorado Boulevard. "It's very authentic."

Saul smiled as he poured her a glass of wine, "I'd love to go to Italy sometime. Tour Tuscany, Rome, Venice, Florence..."

The doctor smiled at her dinner companion, "See the leaning tower of Pisa,"

He smiled again and nodded as he held his glass up to make a toast, "Here's to living each moment to the absolute fullest and never taking advantage of even the smallest things."

Fiona's smile intensified as she nodded, clinking her glass with his. "I'll toast to that."

Saul swirled his wine in his glass before taking a sip and then set it down, "So a cardiologist... do you do surgeries as well?"

Fiona nodded, "I do. I just had one today actually."

"Oh?" He said, intrigued, "Did the patient pull through?"

"Time will tell," she admitted, "he was in his sixties, smoke and drank everything in sight and he hard a heart attack. We had to do a triple bypass on him." She sighed deeply as she took a sip of her wine, "His heart wound up stopping and we had to crack the chest again and I had to massage it with my hands."

Saul's eyes widened in surprise, "Wow," he said, "it's miraculous that you are able to do something like that. What's it feel like? Knowing you are holding a man's heart in your hands."

Fiona looked at him, "It scares the hell out of me," she admitted, "and it only complicates matters further knowing that he has a wife, children and other family out in the waiting room wondering if he'll come out of it okay."

Holden nodded, "My nephew, Justin, he was a medic."

"Justin was the one who was recently killed?"

He nodded again with a quiet sigh, "He was actually extremely talented when it came to that. He was very dedicated to his work, there was a time when his mother thought that he actually might go to medical school."

Fiona smiled softly, "You are close them, aren't you? Your sister's children."

Saul smiled back at her, "They are the closest thing I'll ever have to having children of my own."

The woman's smile faded a little, "Why? You are still a young enough man to have children, I assume you are in relatively good health too."

Saul laughed a little, "I'm much too old to start going down that road now, Fiona."

She grinned at him, "Larry King is probably ten to fifteen years older than you and he's got two little ones."

"I'm not Larry King," he laughed again.

Fiona smiled as the waiter brought them bread and salads. Once he left, she stabbed a piece of tomato with her fork, "Just don't rule it out. Remember your toast."

Saul smiled at her as he grabbed a black olive and put it in his mouth, a little uncomfortable with the topic of children so early.


End file.
